Chemo-Man Runs Again

I’ve taken some time off from my blog and I’m now ready to get back to it. This spring when my oncologist informed me I was cancer free I was eager to get my life back to normal, and I thought that partially meant to put the whole Chemo-Man and blogging thing behind me. However I have come to realize that is impossible and would be a bad move.

I am haunted by the fear of a reoccurrence of cancer every time I have a PET scan and go over the results with my doctor. My last PET scan in July showed an increase in metabolic activity in the lymph nodes in my groin. I’ve learned that this happens frequently and most of the time turns out to be a false alarm. The PET scan cannot tell the difference between cancer and inflamed tissue. It’s common among runners to have inflamed groin lymph nodes and I had just run a marathon one and a half weeks before my PET scan. I have another PET scan scheduled in August to see if anything has changed. If that PET scan shows more positive results, then I’ll have a biopsy. It may go that far just to find out it’s nothing. Based on what I have been told, these false alarms could happen again and again over the next few years while I’m being monitored very closely. So I still have in front of me a tremendous challenge of fighting the physiological haunting of my cancer.

If I let myself dwell in fear and grief, then cancer will have won. I will not give in. I will not let cancer take precious time away from me and my family. However, I can’t walk away from it, I need to take it head on and fight it. Chemo-man is about being positive and pursuing dreams despite the challenges. Writing my blog makes me feel good. It’s like being in a support group. It’s also a way for me to pay it forward. During my despair just after being diagnosed I stumbled across stories of people battling cancer with running and positive attitude. They showed me that I didn’t have to give up my life and my dreams during or after chemo therapy. My hope is my blog will do the same. If I can help just one person it will be all worth it.
There may be a time when Chemo-Man retires, but for now I have still a lot to say. My journey continues on in a new direction. I don’t know exactly where, but that’s a wonderful thing about life, it’s full of mystery.