Lost My Fire, Now I Have It Back

I was really nervous waiting to hear about the results of my last PET scan that was done about 6 weeks ago. A couple of weeks before that PET scan I was feeling some discomfort in my groin area where I had hernia surgery and a tumor removed. I just didn’t have the same fire that made me boldly go into my oncologist office with the attitude that everything will be ok. My PET scan did show an uptick in the surgery area. All other indications were good, so it was most likely inflammation of scar tissue. That would also explain the discomfort. But to be safe another PET scan was scheduled to be done 6 weeks later. Then things got worse a couple of weeks ago.

To get through some challenging times at my work I started drinking massive amounts of coffee. Caffeine has been a long time addiction for me. I’ve quit a few times, but always quickly succumb to its momentary euphoria it gives with that first cup in the morning. Caffeine controls me in many ways. Nothing starts in the morning until I get my fix and I’ll do just about anything to make that happen. Before going on a business trip I’ll check with Google Maps to see where the closest Starbucks is to my destination. It became clear a couple of weeks ago that I had to do something about this addiction.

After I got through my challenges at work I cut back to relatively normal levels of coffee drinking. I started to feel strange about the same time. I wasn’t sure if the strange feelings were due to reducing caffeine intake, or it was something else, like the cancer coming back. The feeling is hard to describe. I felt tired and kind of tingly all over my body, kind of like I was lacking oxygen. I started to get real paranoid that maybe the cancer was coming back. Then I started to get depressed. However, I didn’t have any problems when I ran or rode bicycle. In fact, the only time I felt really good was when I exercised hard. Because the exercise went well, I had hope that the problem was related to the caffeine. I finally decided the only thing to do was to go cold turkey and completely quit caffeine. That’s was about a week ago and in a couple of days I was feeling great. The fatigue, most of the funny feelings and the depression went away.

I have PET scan again this Wednesday and will meet with my oncologist on Friday. I feel confident about this one. I haven’t been feeling any discomfort in my groin and I feel strong. I took control over caffeine and I got my fire back.