Uncertainty is the Spice of Life

Considering it was chemo week I feel really good about how my training went last week. A 12 mile long run and 36 total miles is my best during chemo week. I have to keep on truck’n though. The marathon race time is getting closer and I need to get in a couple of 18 and 20 mile long runs to be ready.

Last Wednesday I finished my sixth chemo treatment and met with my oncologist. We went over my PET scan and the next few steps. My latest PET scan, which was taken over 4 weeks ago and there has been two chemo treatments since then, shows that I have had remarkable response to the chemo treatment. The residual metabolic activity in my PET scan could be just scar tissue or some residual cancerous tissue along with scar tissue. The killing of the tumor leaves behind scar tissue that muddies the waters for subsequent PET scans. They cannot tell the difference between the scar tissue and residual cancerous tissue. Here are the possible scenarios for the next couple of steps:

· If the PET scan shows no improvement over the previous PET scan, then I’m all done with chemo. Then I get about 9 chemo-free weeks to complete marathon training. Should be easy to get in those 18 and 20 mile long runs.
· If the PET scan shows some improvement, then that indicates some of the residual metabolic activity picked up by the scan is residual cancerous tissue. I will then go the remaining 7th and 8th chemo treatment to make sure all the cancer is gone. I will have the 7th on May 7 and the 8th probably on May 28th. I basically do all my marathon training while taking chemo. That’ll make it difficult to get in those 18 and 20 mile long runs. But I’ll still do it.

Regardless of which scenario actually occurs, I won’t know for years if I’m cured. It becomes a waiting game. The longer time passes and the cancer doesn’t come back, then the more likely I have been cured. If it comes back, then I’ll need to go through treatment again. There are charts that can predict probabilities, but there will always be some uncertainty. What is important is not to worry about what may happen, but to focus on living each day to the fullest. Every minute worrying about something that may not happen is a minute totally wasted. Doesn’t that apply to all of our worries in life? I think in general, uncertainty is good for us. If our lives were totally predictable, they would be boring. The best movies or sports events are the ones that surprise us. Unfortunately to have good surprises we have to deal with bad ones. That’s just the way this beautiful universe works.